do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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