This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
