defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
