i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
