My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
