i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
