Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
