Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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