fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
