i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
