I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
