Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
