so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
