Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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