dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
