Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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