My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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