I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
