To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
