I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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