You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
