you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
