i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
