I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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