Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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