You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
