i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
