You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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