I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
