god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
