I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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