i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
