good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
