ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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