new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
