Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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