So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
