I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
