i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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