im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
