it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
