when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
