It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
