At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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