Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
