She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
