She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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