i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
