Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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