Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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